Doctor Who quotes

"Logic, my dear Zoe, merely enables one to be wrong with authority."

~ The Second Doctor

Friends quotes

Mr. Heckles: You were disturbing my oboe practice.
Phoebe: You don't PLAY the oboe!
Mr. Heckles: I could play the oboe.
Phoebe: In that case, I'm going to have to ask you to keep it down!

~ Friends

Gilmore Girls quotes

LORELAI: Michel, the phone.

MICHEL: Mm-hmm. It rings.

LORELAI: Can you answer it?

MICHEL: No. People are particularly stupid today. I can't talk to any more of them.

~Gilmore Girls, Pilot

John Stape: getting away with murder

John Stape

So, John Stape. He’s an interesting character, right – and viewers’ reactions to him are even more interesting still!

Let’s look at the facts. John was a schoolteacher who cheated on his girlfriend with a 17-year-old student. In order to prevent said student revealing their affair, he abducted her and locked her away in an attic for five weeks – and she was eventually released not because he realised the enormity of what he’d done and let her go, but because a) she fought hard to escape, and b) his girlfriend became suspicious, investigated and found the poor girl. John claimed repentance, went to prison and served his time. His soft-hearted girlfriend Fiz eventually forgave him and even married him while he was still banged up. Between them, they persuaded the rest of the community that he had learned his lesson. He was given a second chance that he scarcely deserved and had the opportunity to build a new life.

John with long-suffering wife Fiz

But what did he do with that opportunity? He decided that it wasn’t good enough, that he deserved more – that the profession he had quite deservedly been banned from was his by right. So he stole another man’s identity and fraudulently resumed teaching under that false name. This led to further difficulties when first his barking mad former colleague Charlotte and then Colin Fishwick himself, the man whose identity he had assumed, found out what he had done. And then Colin Fishwick dropped dead right in front of him and once again John found himself at a crossroads. He could choose to do the right thing and face the music for his crime, or he could dig himself an even deeper hole by concealing the corpse and trying to hide what he had done. He chose the latter, denying Colin a proper burial and Colin’s mother the peace of mind that would have come from knowing what had become of him. With the barking mad Charlotte sharing his sordid little secret, the lies he was telling his now pregnant wife started to spiral out of control. Then when Charlotte threatened to reveal what he had done, he killed her – and took advantage of a convenient local disaster to cover up his crime. He allowed her grieving parents to lean on him for comfort, lying to them about the nature of his relationship with Charlotte. He continued to lie to his wife. When Colin Fishwick’s mother Joy came looking for him, he lied to her, too, to hide the truth of what had happened to Colin, despite knowing that the frail old woman was deeply distressed about her son’s disappearance and desperate to make her peace with him before she died. Then when his lies tripped him up in front of Joy and she suffered an angina attack brought on by the devastating truth she had learned, he first withheld her medication and then placed a hand over her face to prevent her calling out for help, thus directly causing her death. At length the strain of living with his lies and guilt got the better of him and he suffered a nervous breakdown, leaving his already stressed wife alone to care for their premature baby while he was in hospital. Then on leaving hospital, he discovered that Fiz had claimed Joy Fishwick’s estate, in Colin’s name, in an attempt to avoid exposing John’s initial fraud. He snapped again. Unravelling fast, his lies started to trip him up. First Charlotte’s grieving parents began to realise he was not who he claimed to be – and he reacted by tying them up in their cellar to prevent them raising the alarm. Then his young brother-in-law Chesney, always mistrustful of him, became suspicious and started to investigate. With two prisoners already stashed away, John plotted and carried out an elaborate deception to lure Chesney into a position where he could also be locked away before raising the alarm – and he did that knowing full well the distress the boy’s disappearance would cause both to his pregnant girlfriend and John’s own wife.

Laid out in black and white like that, John’s crimes are revealed for what they are: the heinous and unforgiveable actions of a narcissistic and self-absorbed man who has lost touch with any concept of right and wrong and will go to almost any lengths to protect himself, heedless of the distress this might cause to others, including those he professes to love. John is a pathological liar and almost certainly criminally insane, it is clear. He commits all his acts based on self-preservation, self-promotion, self-gratification, greed, control, and dishonesty. The viewers, one might expect, would be on the edge of their seats waiting for him to get his come-uppance.

Instead, the majority of viewers are in fact cheering John on and willing him to get away with his crimes, seemingly prepared to excuse and justify anything he does. ‘But he feels really bad about it’, they say, ‘and all he wants is to be left in peace to look after his baby, he should be allowed to put the past behind him and move on,’ as if a guilty conscience and a newborn infant should absolve him of what he has done.

John

John is an enormously likeable character. He’s pleasant, polite and bookish, mild-mannered and self-effacing, somewhat bumbling…the Frank Spencer of serial killers, one might say. There is something enormously appealing about his haplessness and general air of slight confusion, there can be no denying that. Graeme Hawley’s acting is a joy to watch and John’s story has been a real thrill ride as it has unfolded over the months. John always seems as if he is trying to do the right thing, only to be thwarted by circumstance, and there is no doubt that he does feel bad about his crimes after he has committed them, and has suffered terribly as a result of his guilty conscience.

But there is also no evidence that he has ever learned or changed as a result of what he has done, while feeling guilty about one crime never stops him committing another. He has never taken responsibility for his actions, although knew exactly what he was doing every step of the way. Pleasant and likeable though he is, he is also dangerously unstable and capable of just about anything – it has been demonstrated more than once that he will go to almost any lengths to protect himself, regardless of who gets hurt in the process. John is a classic case of a potential sociopathic serial murderer who believes he is cleverer than his peer group and can bluff his way out of any situation. He must be held accountable for his crimes. Justice must be served. And this likeable but dangerous man must be removed from society.

External to the fiction, John is a brilliant character much beloved by the fans and it will be a real shame to see him go.

Internal to the fiction, John is a seriously unbalanced individual who is a danger both to himself and others and needs to be taken off the streets as quickly as possible, before someone else dies.

I can’t wait to find out how the story ends.

Doctor Who quotes

House: "Fear me. I've killed hundreds of Time Lords."

Doctor: "Fear me. I've killed them all."

~Doctor Who 6.04 'The Doctor's Wife'

Doctor Who quotes

Rory: “He’ll be fine. He’s a Time Lord.”

Amy: “It’s just what they’re called. It doesn’t mean he actually knows what he’s doing.”

~ Doctor Who 6.04 'The Doctor's Wife'

Doctor Who quotes

“Biting’s excellent. It’s like kissing, only there’s a winner.”

~ Idris, Doctor Who 6.04 'The Doctor's Wife'

Firefly quotes

Zoe and Wash

WASH: "All I'm saying is that we're living pretty deep in the rough and tumble, and I don't see that changing any time soon."
ZOE: "Nor do I."
WASH: "Well, I'm not sure now is the best time to bring a tiny little helpless person into our lives."
ZOE: "That excuse is getting a little worn, honey."
WASH: "It's not an excuse, dear. It's objective assessment. I can't help that it stays relevant."
ZOE: "I don't give a good gorram about relevant, Wash. Or objective. And I ain't so afraid of losing something that I ain't gonna try to have it. You and I would make one beautiful baby. And I want to meet that child one day. Period."

~ Firefly 1.13 Heart of Gold

Corrie quotes

Carla: "You're missing your party."
Peter: "There’ll be others."
Carla: "And you won’t be able to drink at any of them."
Peter: "Now there’s a sobering thought."
Carla: "Oh, you’re a punny little alcy, but I like you."

Corrie, Friday 12 November 2010

Corrie, MST3K-style: Fathers and sons, part the second

The following sketch summarises the interaction between Ken Barlow and his family during September 2010.

Ken Barlow

Ken: Hey, look what I’ve found behind this dresser that hasn’t been moved in 50 years – it’s a letter from Susan Cunningham, a girl I went out with for a few months way back in 1960. We met at university, and she was ever so intelligent and educated and middle class, she was everything I ever aspired to be. It was way embarrassing to have to introduce her to my working class family. If only this letter hadn’t got lost all those years ago, I might have married her and my life would have been completely different. I’m going to try to make contact and make up for all those lost years.

Deirdre: Don’t let me stop you. I’m only your wife, even if I don’t so much as pretend to be highly educated or middle class.

Ken: I’m so sad. It turns out that Susan died some years ago. But she has a son named Lawrence and he’s agreed to meet me. Try not to show me up while he’s here, he’s an academic and ever so middle class, I don’t want to be embarrassed by my working class roots and ill-educated family all over again.

Deirdre: Pah.

Lawrence: I resemble Ken so strongly I could almost be his clone. I never met my father or even knew his name. I was born in August 1961.

Ken: I split up with Susan in January 1961 and no one else was involved. I believe you are my long-lost son!

Lawrence: Wow, I wish we’d known about this sooner, our whole lives might have been different.

Ken: Splitting up with your mother is the biggest regret of my life – I regret it even more than I regret missing out on seeing any of my children grow up, or being estranged from my daughter when she died. I’m so proud to be able to call you my son, since you are a successful academic who shares my intellectual interests, which is the only thing I need to know about you to believe that you represent everything I ever wanted in a son.

James, Ken and Lawrence

Lawrence: I am very proud of my daughter Chloe, as she is a post-graduate student and her fiancé is a high-flying lawyer. I’m not so proud of my son James, though, so I won’t say much about him.

Ken: I’d rather not talk about my son Peter at all, as I don’t want to have to admit to my shiny new intellectual son that my other son dropped out of school at 15 to join the Navy and now runs a betting shop and is an alcoholic and is street smart instead of book smart, which doesn’t count. It would be just as embarrassing to let Susan’s son meet my son as it was to let Susan meet my working class family all those years ago, so let’s just pretend that Peter doesn’t exist. Instead I want to bask in the reflected glory of Lawrence’s intellectualism and social status – and further stake my paternal claim by intervening to help ease the tension I have noticed between him and his son James. The pub would be the perfect venue for a mediation session.

James: I am a struggling musician who works in a charity shop, which my father doesn’t like to tell anyone as it doesn’t sound very impressive compared with his and my sister’s academic success. Mostly, though, the reason he doesn’t like me is because I am gay and he is a homophobe.

Ken: Oh dear, is there no way the two of you can manage to reconcile your differences? Let me help, I want to be part of your lives now that I know you, because you both represent everything I ever wanted to be but didn’t have the guts to pursue.

Lawrence: What’s the point? He is always going to be gay and I am always going to hate him for it.

James: What’s the point? I am always going to be gay and he is always going to hate me for it.

Peter, Lawrence, James and Ken

Peter: Don’t let me interrupt this moving family reunion. I know how much you enjoy them, Dad.

Ken: Oh, now this is embarrassing. Peter, this is my successful academic son, Lawrence. Lawrence, this is my other son, Peter.

Peter: Deirdre already told me everything, since you hadn’t bothered. Don’t mind me, I can see that I’m second best and not really wanted, so I’m just gonna stand here and watch.

Ken: Lawrence, James, I’m sure you can put your differences behind you if you could only manage to talk to each other openly – communication is so important in a family.

Peter: That’s a bit rich, coming from a serial philanderer!

James: Heh, my dad’s a serial philanderer, too!

Ken: Do you mind? I’m trying to be pompous and fatherly, here.

Peter: Playing the perfect father? Has he told you how he abandoned me and my twin sister when our mother died when we were only six years old? He sent us hundreds of miles away and hardly ever bothered to visit – that’s how interested he is in being a father. You aren’t his only long-lost son, you know, he also has a 15-year-old called Daniel but he never bothers to see him, either. He likes to have children and wants to be proud of them, but doesn’t like to put in the hard work and actually raise any of them.

Ken: How dare you embarrass me by highlighting my flaws when I am trying to demonstrate what a good father I can be in the right circumstances! Quick, let me get Lawrence and James back home and away from Peter’s subversive influence before he completely ruins the good impression I am trying to make.

Peter: Whatever. I’m more interested in finding out what’s wrong with my son Simon anyway; he’s not been himself lately.

Ken: Let me apologise for Peter’s attitude, which was very embarrassing.

James: Not at all, I thoroughly enjoyed the show. I have a sense of humour and so does Peter, we’d probably get along well, given half a chance.

Lawrence: I have no sense of humour whatsoever and don’t even know what I’m doing here any more. Convention is very important to me and since my son is determined to be unconventional I want nothing to do with him.

Ken: Surely you and James can find a way to meet in the middle?

Lawrence: Perhaps you should sort out your own problems before you start interfering in mine.

Leanne: Peter and I are really worried about Simon, he really isn’t himself lately, but he won’t tell us what’s wrong.

Ken: Why don’t you bring him around for his tea and let me try talking to him? However, I won’t be here when you arrive, as I am so preoccupied with Lawrence and James that I barely even remember Peter and Simon exist. Trying to get Lawrence reconciled with James, so that I can prove my worth as a father and stake my claim on their lives which appear to otherwise be perfect and everything I ever dreamed of, is far more important to me than the imperfect family I already have. So whatever Simon’s problem is, you are on your own with it.

Lawrence: I’m getting really tired of your constant interference, Ken. James and I are quite happy to go on hating each other for the rest of our lives, why can’t you accept that?

Ken: I just want us to be one big happy family and your hatred of James’s sexuality is spoiling it. What’s wrong with him being gay? Can’t you just accept him for who he is and love him anyway?

Lawrence: No. I am a homophobe and I am not ashamed of it. My son’s sexuality is unacceptable to me, end of.

Ken: Kids don’t always turn out the way you want them to, but hey, that’s life. My son Peter is an alcoholic and a high school drop-out, and in fact is pretty much the polar opposite of what I wanted for him, but I love him anyway, even if I don’t ever actually tell him that. I didn’t want to admit to you before how flawed he is, but now I’m almost glad as it makes a handy example I can use to encourage you to love your son unconditionally, like I do mine even though he doesn’t know it because I never tell him and instead constantly criticise. I hope he knows I only do it because I care.

Lawrence: Alcoholic? That’s nothing. If he was gay you’d reject him like I’ve rejected James.

Ken: I so would not! In fact, I would probably prefer gay to alcoholic.

Lawrence: More fool you. I’m sure you have a trigger, a line you won’t cross, just like me. Maybe it isn’t sexuality, but I bet you’d reject Peter if he were a drug dealer or a murderer or something.

Ken: Actually, my adopted daughter Tracy is in prison for murder, but I haven’t rejected her even for that, although she does frustrate me immensely. I won't mention that to you, though, since you’re on a roll and we’re talking about sons, not daughters. No, I wouldn’t reject Peter no matter what he did and no matter what he was (although I now realise it’s a bit of a shame he doesn’t know that, especially since I’ve been ignoring him all week because I didn't think he measured up to Lawrence, who now no longer looks so perfect). Lawrence, you have found my trigger – it is you and your homophobia. I reject you utterly, the way you have rejected your own son, get out of my house.

Lawrence: So you’re rejecting me because you don’t like my views just like I’ve rejected James because I don’t like his views. We aren’t so different after all.

Peter and Simon

Peter: Simon, I’m really worried about you. I need you to tell me what’s wrong.

Simon: I’m scared because I think I’m in big trouble. I was playing with my friend Aadi the other day when he fell and banged his head. I thought he was all right, but then he ended up in hospital and now the police and social services think his mum and dad did it, when really it was my fault. Will I have to go to jail?

Peter: My poor little boy. They don’t put seven-year-olds in jail, but you do have a lot of apologising to do. I’m very proud of you for being brave enough to own up and I need you to be brave again when we tell the police and social services and Aadi’s mum and dad what happened.

Dev: I’m furious with Peter because his son hurt my son and got me into trouble.

Peter: I apologise on Simon’s behalf and take full responsibility for him, but support him 100%, he’s only seven and it was an accident.

Ashley: I’m furious with Peter because my wife Claire was also suspected of hurting Aadi when really it was Simon. He should have owned up sooner.

Peter: I apologise on Simon’s behalf and take full responsibility for him, but support him 100%, he’s only seven and it was an accident.

Ken: I don’t understand how Lawrence turned out to be such a small-minded bigot. He seemed so perfect when we first met! Maybe if I’d married his mother and been part of his life when he was growing up, I could have influenced him to be a better person.

Deirdre: Hey, but if that had happened you would never have had Peter and Susan (and by the way, isn’t it a bit weird that you gave your daughter the same name as your ex-girlfriend?) and you’d never have married me and adopted my daughter. Maybe you should focus more on appreciating what you’ve got instead of fretting about what might have been.

James: And hey, you might not have managed to build a relationship with my stupid dad, but at least you’ve gained a new grandson. I would love to be part of your family, being estranged from my own.

Ken: I think I should spend some time with Peter, because I suddenly feel bad about ignoring him all week and feeling embarrassed of him for no good reason, as I now realise what a hypocrite I’ve been. So what if he isn’t perfect, it turns out that neither is Lawrence. Peter is the only one of my children that I have an actual relationship with, and I am suddenly aware that I take that for granted and don’t appreciate him enough; I’m always too focused on what he isn’t to feel proud of who he is.

Peter and Ken

Peter: Dad, I’ve had a hell of a day.

Ken: Well, I’m here to demonstrate my love and acceptance of you, imperfect though you are, through my actions, by spending some time with you, since I can never quite bring myself to say it out loud. Why don’t I put the kettle on while you tell me all about it?

Corrie, MST3K-style: Fathers and sons, part the first

The following sketch summarises the interaction between Ken Barlow and his son Peter during November 2008.

Peter and Simon

Peter: Hi, Dad. My ex-wife Lucy has recently died leaving our five year old son Simon to my care, even though she hadn’t let me have any contact with him since he was a baby so I’m a complete stranger to him, the poor mite. Being a proper father to Simon is what I’ve always wanted, more than anything, but now that I’ve got him I’m absolutely terrified and don’t know what to do. Please will you help me?

Ken: Sure, the two of you can stay with me and Deirdre for a few days while you get used to being a dad.

Peter: A few days? I was hoping for something a bit more fundamental than that. Dad, I’m scared. I’ve made a mess of everything I’ve ever tried to do in my life, you know that better than anyone, you’re always rubbing it in. But Simon is too important to risk screwing up. How can I raise him on my own if all I ever do is fail? Can’t you and Deirdre help? You’re his grandparents, after all, and when my mum died and you were left alone with me and Susan, you sent us all the way to Scotland to live with our grandparents. You reckoned you couldn’t cope with us on your own and we needed two parents who knew what they were doing, and you’ve always said it was the best decision you could have made for us, whether we agreed or not. So wouldn’t your input, as grandparents, also be the best thing for Simon, under the circumstances?

Ken

Ken: Oh, no. Even though I sent you hundreds of miles away when your mother died so that you could be raised by your grandparents while I lived the life of a bachelor and had loads of girlfriends before settling down again, and even though I have never regretted that decision and still maintain that it was the best choice I could have made both for you and me, I’m not going to let you do anything remotely similar. You’re going to have to take responsibility for your child and raise him yourself as a single parent, the way everyone does who isn’t me. Deirdre and I will babysit now and then while you’re in town, but not too often as that would only encourage you to be lazy, and besides, we have lives of our own, you know. Anyway, you can’t stay with us indefinitely. You live in Portsmouth, so once you and Simon go back home, you’re on your own. Best of luck with that – and before you ask, no, you can’t leave him here with us while you head home alone, no way. By the way, I think you're drinking too much; you want to watch that now you have a child to care for.

Peter: So it was okay for you to abandon your children with their grandparents and say it was in their best interests, but it isn’t okay for me to ask you, as Simon’s grandfather, to help look after him, even though I’m way less capable than you?

Ken: That’s right. When I did it, it was totally the right thing to do, but if you do it, it would be irresponsible and neglectful. Because I’m always right and you’re always wrong, I thought you knew that. He’s your son, so you have to take responsibility for him whether you can handle it or not; where you go, he goes, end of. Also, you are still drinking too much; you really do have to stop that now you have a child to care for, you can't look after him properly when you're drunk and I'm not doing it for you.

Peter: But drinking is the only thing that makes me feel better. I know that it really only makes things worse, but at least when I'm drunk I don't care. I just don’t see how I can raise this child on my own, not without screwing him up completely – my life’s a mess. I don’t want to mess him up, too, he’s too precious. If you can’t help, then I think maybe I should give him up for adoption. After all, I’m just as much a stranger to him as his new parents would be, and I want him to have a better life than I can give him. He deserves so much better than me. Since you think I’m such a rubbish parent anyway, and since you’re too busy to help with childcare, surely you agree that this would be his best option?

Ken: Absolutely not, no way. Even though I wasn’t prepared to raise you as a single parent myself and will defend that decision to my dying day although I agree that I am way more capable than you, and even though I’m not prepared to offer you more than occasional babysitting and constant criticism by way of support, and even though I totally agree that everything you do turns out wrong, I am not letting you give that child up to a stranger. I will take him in myself rather than let that happen, just so I can lay a guilt-trip on you every single day until you give in and take him back. When I sent you away, it was because I believed it was best for you, but if you send Simon away, that would be shirking your responsibilities, and I won’t let you do that. He’ll end up resenting you the way you resent me…and by the way I still think you are wrong to feel that way (at least, that is what I am always, always going to say, because I can’t bring myself to admit that I might have been wrong), but it would be justified for Simon (and telling you that is the closest I am ever, ever going to get to admitting that maybe you do have a right to resent me, after all). Simon is your responsibility, so you have to look after him and provide for him by yourself. Even though you are a drunk and a failure who isn’t capable of achieving anything…and I say that as your father who loves you.

Peter: Okay. Well, it turns out that Lucy has left me quite a large sum of money, on the understanding that I use it to provide for Simon. And I think that’ll be a big help and solve a few practical problems I was facing. So I’ve decided to cut my losses in Portsmouth and move back here to Weatherfield, where my family is, so I can take you up on that offer of occasional babysitting, since that’s better than nothing. I’ve used the money to buy the bookies. It’s a good business and I’ve run it before, so I know it inside out, plus it comes complete with a two bedroom flat, so it will provide me and Si with a home as well as a steady income. I’m going to try to do my best for my son, even though I’m still scared stiff of getting it wrong, and I would really appreciate your support while we get used to each other and settle down to a routine.

Ken: You’ve bought the bookies? What were you thinking? You only want Simon now there’s money attached and you’ve gone and wasted the lot already! Right, that’s it. I withdraw my offer of occasional babysitting. You don’t deserve it.

Ken and Peter

Peter: So when I didn’t want him, I was a ratbag, and now that I do want him, that’s just as bad? I haven’t wasted the money – I’ve invested it for his future, what’s wrong with that?

Ken: How can you raise a child and run a business at the same time? You’ll go bust and then the two of you will be on the streets and then what will you do?

Peter: You really do see me as a complete loser, don’t you? You think the business is going to fail just because I’m running it?

Ken: Yes. Sadly I think that’s true, but don’t worry, I still love you and I will always be here to remind you of your inevitable failure, no matter what you do.

Peter: Thanks for nothing, Dad.

Speaks volumes about the thorny relationship between father and son, no?